As most of you know, going out in public is one of the joys of dressing. At first, I was very nervous and cautious, and my excursions were short, at best, and usually confined to just driving around town, Finally, I began going to various support groups and clubs where the comments were always positive. I was told I was passable and pretty. It was the feedback I wanted so I felt ready to explore a woman’s world freely.
After making many trips to my mirror, checking my outfit, hair, and makeup multiple times, I decided I was ready. I chose a downtown store I was familiar with and headed for the escalator confident that I belonged. A little more than halfway up, I noticed a group of young male teenagers escalating down. As they passed me, I heard one of them say, “That’s a guy!” Being pretty sure they meant me I was petrified with fear. Obviously, I wasn’t passable at all! I stepped off the escalator, looked back, and sure enough, the boys were headed back up.
Thankfully, the lingerie department was directly ahead. I dashed in, hoping this realm of total femininity might be just where I needed to be. I peeked around the corner and saw them rush by, and when they kept on going, I breathed a sigh of relief. I was hoping these young toughs would be too scared to enter this sacred female paradise. I scurried back down the escalator and out the door, both scared and distraught.
Back safely in my car, I wondered where I went wrong. Then it dawned on me that all those approvals I’d gotten at the groups and clubs were not, for the most part, as sincere as I thought they were. Their support was given as exactly that, support, and perhaps not as justified and meaningful compliments. I don’t begrudge any of them. When I think back on it, everyone received the same sort of attention. We all want to hear that we look nice, pretty, and feminine, but the reality is that very few of us truly are.
Arriving back home, I stood in front of the mirror in my attempt to see what those boys saw. How did they know? What I noticed at that time was a cheap wig that I was wearing, how my makeup was probably way too garish, and that my posture resembled a football player more than a princess.
Since that horrible escalator experience, I resigned myself to improve in all phases of femininity. I grew my hair out and learned how to style it in a feminine style. I tried many makeup tips until I wasn’t clownish any longer, and I learned to walk, move, and talk as a proper woman would. I pass very well now and have not had any incidences since. Now, I visit not only the lingerie department to buy all sorts of lovely things instead of hiding, I also feel free to try on shoes, and to use the dressing rooms to try on lovely dresses and tops. Basically, I enjoy shopping as any woman would instead of having to hide from mean people.
A lesson learned!
A nice article. I must say that you look very feminine in the photograph.
As a private crossdresser, I salute you. On Crossdresser Heaven, I read articles such as yours and see photographs uploaded by other members out and about in public, and it really knocks me out how brave you guys are. It shouldn’t require bravery to step out of one’s own home but for many it does.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts and experience.
Hi Julie, thank you for reading my story! Like so many of us I didn’t just come out of the box ready for action and some assembly was required. My best to you. Mary.
Great article Mary, I can imagine your panic! Every gurls nightmare.
Hi Kate, Thanks for reading my story. Panic is right!
Thank you,,Kate. Yes, it seemed like a nightmare, for sure. I can laugh about it now but at the time I was scared to death!
Hi Mary,
thank you for your article… it is great information for those CD’s, including me, who want to venture out and about expressing outwardly their feelings of femininity.. you are an inspiration.. and soon I hope Leonara can write about my shopping as my true alter ego.
Regards, Leonara
Hello Leonara, lovely name! Yes, as much fun it is to go out we all really have to be aware of the pitfalls. As you read, I thought I was ready to go out and found out differently. That said, I became more determined than ever. It can be a lot of work but it’s oh so worth it. Take your time and pay attention to the small details.
You can do it!
Thank you for the encouragement and “take your time” suggestion..hoping to share my shopping experience with you
Thank you for your honesty. Your experience is something I never cared to face, with zealots looking to punish and ruin an innocent outing. I realized one day that attractive women that present well learned the craft from the time they were little girls. How presumptuous of me to think I could slap some makeup on, don a dress, and lumber out in public without inviting trouble? I spent years casually trying little things, step by step. I have gotten a lot better but still can not match what an “average lady can do effortlessly and with perfect poise.
Hi Maria, so true but I would imagine many GG’s have to deal with rude, thoughtless and even cruel males during their lifetimes. If the rest of us can carve just a small piece of peace and kindness in the world it would male for a better place.
I think we’ve all been there. I salute you for going downtown… I tend to seek out private/public places, but recently a young girl (about 6/7) immediately “read" me and spent the whole time staring. Finally I waved at her and she scurried away,…
Hi Michelle, yes kids and teen-age girls are the best at spotting us although they may laugh or point they aren’t dangerous. It’s the aggressive males I stay away from.
Really great article! I’m not ready to venture out just yet but so glad to read about your bravery. And eventual victory. Aurora B
Thank you, Aurora. Lovely name! Well when you are ready you will find out how wonderful it can be. Just start out easy, maybe drive your car around town and then work your way up. Once you have built up your confidence then you can hit the shops. That’s when the joy really happens as you feel just like “one of the girls.”
Thanks for the encouragement. Whenever I can geta good outfit or anything girly to wear out I just might do that. Yours truly, Aurora B.
Try going to a secondhand store. Just know that everybody there is doing the same thing you are, they are too busy shopping to pay attention to you and there aren’t any sales clerks either.
Thanks for the article Mary. It took me 10 months of reading thew wonderful stories here to take the huge step. I had already taken the step of stopping at rest stops on the nearby interstate to sit and read early morning, wanting to be seen but only at a distance. In Aug of 2020 I made an appointment to have my hair colored (at 66 I wanted to cover my gray). The appointment was at a city about 40 minutes away and I had a chance to use the ladies room at a nearby store a half hour before.… Read more »
Hi Cassie, good for you to take that first, big step. Making an appointment and committing to it is a great idea! Enjoy this new-found freedom!
Hi Mary Thank you for sharing your story. I know exactly how you feel. It’s something so many of us want to do but are petrified of that first outing. I know I’ve felt the same before and still can get nervous. As you said I think it’s better to do subtle make up for an everyday look rather than make up as if you’re going to the local nightclub. Along with how we dress too. I tend to look for nice everyday clothes now along with suitable shoes/boots with a mid heel height rather the high stilettos. And as… Read more »
Hi Steph, thanks for your comments. In my first outing I thought I looked like a cover girl but actually I must have looked like a Halloween mistake. But, as I said, it was a lesson learned. Like you, I just pay more attention to how most of the other female shoppers dress and try my best to blend in. I think growing out my own hair helps a lot. Happy Shopping!
Nice article, and thanks for sharing that rather scary experience with us. You make a very good point that our presentation needs to be as good as possible when we choose to go out and mingle. Depends where one plans to go as well, which you bring up too.
However, though I’m sure I’ve made from time to time out in wide public spaces, no one has ever come up and challenged me like you narrowly escaped from it is something I’m aware could happen some day.
Amy
Hi Amy, thanks for your comments. The best we can do is be prepared and act like we belong. Unfortunately, one can never be totally safe these days. Nothing makes us stand out more than making ourselves obvious. When I’m out I try to be as inconspicuous as possible. I mind my own business and hope others do the same. Nice pics.
As I’m sure every other reader thought, you look entirely female in that photo. Well done. As for me, it’s not so easy, being limited by lack of funds and an almost complete lack of natural hair. I try my best, using subtle makeup and acting or walking in ways I hope are more feminine but of course I don’t often pass. Sometimes I do, and those are treasured. I’m not sure there’s much more I can achieve, apart from my voice. What methods have you used to feminise your voice?
Hi Julie, thanks for saying I look entirely female. I’m lucky, I guess. Being Asian I have a smaller stature, 5’5″ and slim. Size 10 dress, size 8 shoes. Those traits help, for sure but being able to grow my own hair is a big plus. Honestly it grows like a weed and usually wear up in a knot on the top of my head as it gets in the way if I don’t.. As for my voice, I can usually get by. One thing that seems to help is speaking quietly and from the front of my mouth, if… Read more »