I’ve been a cross dresser for really as long as I can remember. I’d have between 10-20 items at a time and have purged often, always careful not to get “caught”. I’ve been in a few long-term relationships (2+ years) and an 11-year marriage as well, never letting a single person know about my cross dressing. Anytime I thought maybe I could or couldn’t. Anyway, I made a conscious choice to remain deep in the closet for many years! My “dressing” has been almost obsessive for the last 8-9 months and I started purchasing makeup, clothing, shoes, wigs, and jewelry. I’d been really struggling with telling my wife about my self-proclaimed “perversion” but couldn’t. I was dressing every time I was alone and even started wearing a small amount of eyeliner and mascara daily. More on that later. 😉 I was and still am unsure of what I am. Boy or girl……?????? Life, I feel started to change for me at the beginning of March when I told my current partner of 3.5 years that I was a cross dresser.
I just blurted it out “I’m a cross dresser”! It seems unreal but it was all I could get out. None of the practiced scenarios or carefully timed and planned occasions arrived and if they did, I had let them slip away either unnoticed or unfulfilled. My partners reaction was exactly what I should have expected, she was angry and worried and hurt and felt betrayed. She had a thousand questions all at one time and I answered as honestly and as clearly as I could. It was strange because I felt that with every question, I dug myself a little deeper into a hole I really didn’t want to be in. I could see that each question was asked with equal parts of dread and fear. Each of my answers seemed incomplete. It lasted for what felt like days but in reality, was only about 20-30 minutes. I had no idea, when it was over, if I was still in a relationship or not. She just said that she’d need time to think. I left it at that and after a long night of sleeplessness and worrying that I may have used a “maybe” card when I ought to have used a “maybe not” card. After all, this lady is the love of my life, the one, she’s the only person I have ever felt deeper than flesh. She energizes me by just being. I was making a coffee when she told me she didn’t care what I did she just didn’t want to know about it. I could again hear the fear in her words and they hurt when they should’ve probably been a relief.
Fast-forward 6 weeks and last night we were laying in bed and out of the blue she brought up how badly she felt for the way she had reacted to my announcement. She let me know that she’s been thinking about our life together and the reasons she loved it so much. She said that she’d found things that were odd like a few makeup items and shirt or two that she couldn’t remember buying but liked them and has now claimed them for herself. She assured me I can have them back. She said that she still loves me and that she wants to be supportive. She wants me to just be me. She doesn’t think that how I dress is going to change any of the reasons she is in love with me.
I sit today and wonder about where I will go from here. How far will I allow myself to go? Will I be able to get past my fear of rejection? Will I allow myself to be me, whoever that might be? Will the people I love accept me and does that really matter? Will others accept me?
I consider myself a very lucky lady right now! I have something today that I wouldn’t have had if I had not taken a chance on me. I have a partner that pledges her support for me through everything. To all the ladies out there, I wish you all the same blessing! And so many more…….
- When you girls finally got up the guts to have “The Talk” with your wife or significant other, what kind of reaction did you receive from her?
- Was your wife or SO initially in shock and then later became quite accepting of your cross dressing because of the level of unconditional love she had for you?
- Right now, what are some of the limitations your wife or SO has placed on your thrill of cross dressing?
Girls, please take the time to answer one or more of the above questions I’ve posed to you. I would love to hear your answers and compare them with the answers I have to those questions right now.
Thank you so very much for taking the time to read my article and I look forward to hearing from you encouraging and supportive CDH girls who are members of this wonderful site!
Sincerely, Rilee
More Articles by Rilee Cross
Rilee Cross
Latest posts by Rilee Cross (see all)
- Maybe, Maybe Not (To Tell, Or Not To Tell) - May 1, 2020
-480x270.jpg)
-480x270.jpg)
I told my current wife about 4 months into our dating. I had hinted around the subject for a number of weeks “testing the waters" One day while we were talking around the subject, she guessed that I was a CD, there was a dead silence…which felt like eternity..but was only seconds, either I said yes, and risk losing her, or say no and keep hiding it. Well I said Yes. She really did not haev many questions, but I did give her a number of links to check out about what it is and is not. While it is… Read more »
About two years ago I told my wife of 30-odd years that I crossdressed. Took me that long to pluck up courage. She was hurt and angry – but not because of the dressing. She was hurt and angry because I had kept this secret from her for so long, when married couples shouldn’t have secrets. She still doesn’t get why it turns me on and why it is such a strong compulsion.
Hi Rilee, Thank you fo sharing. My SO passed away 2 + years ago; we were married almost 28 years. I had pushed my crossdressing aside. But had been exploring more. Now that she’s gone, I’ve been able to be JaiymeLynne a lot, but not out. It never came up with her, but our sex life had faded away, for many reasons. But maybe I was not attracted anymore, I’m not sure. We had some other issues. I don’t think she’d have accepted crossdressing, as your SO has. That’s a blessing for sure. But I have family close, my 89… Read more »
Hi Rilee! I told my wife three months into dating. I planned on telling her, but like you I blurted it out and hoped for the best. Back in those days, there was no internet or much literature so I showed her a section of a psychology text book (the brain surgeon I am). I pretty much got a deer in the head lights look. Long story short, we are together 37 years and married 33 with grown children. She confessed to me down the road (I don’t remember when) that she almost ditched me that day, but she saw… Read more »
Hi Rilee I did exactly the same as you, the only difference is, I had already told her 20 years earlier. She went nuclear and I thought it was the end of our marriage. She chose to ignore it that I had told her before and believed that my cross dressing had stopped, which we all know isn’t possible. She hates the idea of me dressed, it has pretty much ended intimacy. We are trying to find our way in this as we have been together for 27 years. She thinks its weird that I cant just stop dressing, after… Read more »
Update…we are a year further, we went into counciling together and life is getting back to normal. The councillor has helped us no end in achieving a solution that fits us both. My wife now suggests that I ‘visit Helene’ when I’m visibly stressed, she still wants nothing to do with her and doesn’t want to know what Helene does when dressed (although thats mostly housework, shopping and other mundane chores). We covered sexuality and gender related subjects and she now realises that I’m hetero and comfortable in my sexuality.
Hey I recently told my wife pretty much same way just out with it. She is supportive. She asked a while later what if she had said no or she wanted a divorce, I said I had faith we were stronger then that.
Hello Rilee, I am guessing that you feel 300 lbs lighter right now after getting to ‘come out’ and especially to your love. If you get a chance, please read my profile. Much like you, I hid my dressing for years. What I have noticed over the years is the older I get the more I want to let Vanessa out. If it were up to me, I could be Vanessa full time. My wife’s support does not currently include 7 days a week, but dressing several times a week is acceptable. I couldn’t share my secret with my ex,… Read more »
Loved your article, as it is similiar to my own experience.
For the longest time, I kept my dressing away from my wife, eventually she had her suspicions, but I finally told her as I wanted this secret of mine to be exposed to her.
She had many questions, but I answered each as truthfully as possible. To this day, she is supportive and is ok with my dressing at home.
I told my girlfriend about my dressing a couple of years ago and she is ok with it. Since then, though we rarely talk about it and I do not push it on her.
I told my wife before I bought anything and it was frightening for me, but she was not only super accepting, but excited about it as well and all the fun we could have together and Cosplay wise.