Most people who are trans-gendered seem to abhor labels. I was elated to find one that fit. I could finally put to rest just where all these feelings were coming from. I still can’t say why I am, but I can say what I am and I now know who I am. I’ve been at peace with myself now for about twenty years. Being at peace with myself allows me to be at peace with the rest of the world. I no longer need outside approval to be who I am. This allows me to let others see the real me. I learned to cry again. Not tears of sadness or despair as in the past, but tears of joy, tears that express my sense of empathy, tears when a tender moment touches me. I’ve learned to appreciate the things my feminine nature draws me to and to be confident enough to let others know I’m drawn there.
Silence is still golden; I still can’t just wear what feels good in every situation. I have to strike compromises that make me appear male in my dress but I’ve found that I can wear women’s clothes off the women’s rack and still have people see me as a man. But I know I’m dressed the part… I’m dressed to fit my inner self. I’m dressed in androgynous clothes. Oh, I still like to give my feminine self free reign occasionally, and put on a dress, but most of the time, I’m who I am on the inside while looking like who people think I should be on the outside.
My wife, still with me, going on 49 years, has come to accept that this is who I am. She still wishes I was like other men, but she accepts I’m not and we love each other more each day. But now, I keep silent for her sake.
Silence is golden.
More Articles by Patricia Marie Allen
- Women’s Trousers
- Silence is Golden Part IV
- Silence is Golden – Part III
- Silence is Golden – part II
- Silence is Golden
Latest posts by Patricia Marie Allen (see all)
- Women’s Trousers - May 18, 2016
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- Silence is Golden Part IV - February 21, 2016
- Silence is Golden – Part III - February 2, 2016
- Silence is Golden – part II - February 1, 2016
Dressing is great!
Vanessa you are the best thing that has happened to me and finding out who I am.Thank you so much and keep up the good work for other girls like me.
Dressing is the greatest thing! It’s such a relief when you can
Thank you for sharing this Vanessa. I found your articles captivating and reassuring.
Yes. Dressing up is! So nice. I get excited its fun. It’s sexI. This lady love to get sexy.
Patricia, your story is my story, with the addition of hormones on and off. My wife still loves and cares for me after 33 years of wayward playing with my alter-ego. I do not public dress, although I have been out in a bikini in the back yard getting tan-lines. I still struggle with not being quite right inside. Hope that may change. Thank you for sharing.
UP DATE: Since writing this article I’ve celebrated my 50th anniversary with my wife and retired. We’ve moved to a small town (population about 2000). I now dress in obviously feminine clothes five or six days a week. The only time I butch it up, is Sunday for church and 2nd and 4th Saturday when I volunteer at the church run food pantry. That amounts to wearing women’s slacks, a women’s “Big Shirt" from Woman Within, knee-hi nylons and women’s ankle boots on Sunday. On Food Pantry Saturdays, it’s women’s jeans, V-neck tee shirt and a woman’s flannel shirt left… Read more »