Most people who are trans-gendered seem to abhor labels. I was elated to find one that fit. I could finally put to rest just where all these feelings were coming from. I still can’t say why I am, but I can say what I am and I now know who I am. I’ve been at peace with myself now for about twenty years. Being at peace with myself allows me to be at peace with the rest of the world. I no longer need outside approval to be who I am. This allows me to let others see the real me. I learned to cry again. Not tears of sadness or despair as in the past, but tears of joy, tears that express my sense of empathy, tears when a tender moment touches me. I’ve learned to appreciate the things my feminine nature draws me to and to be confident enough to let others know I’m drawn there.
Silence is still golden; I still can’t just wear what feels good in every situation. I have to strike compromises that make me appear male in my dress but I’ve found that I can wear women’s clothes off the women’s rack and still have people see me as a man. But I know I’m dressed the part… I’m dressed to fit my inner self. I’m dressed in androgynous clothes. Oh, I still like to give my feminine self free reign occasionally, and put on a dress, but most of the time, I’m who I am on the inside while looking like who people think I should be on the outside.
My wife, still with me, going on 49 years, has come to accept that this is who I am. She still wishes I was like other men, but she accepts I’m not and we love each other more each day. But now, I keep silent for her sake.
Silence is golden.
More Articles by Patricia Marie Allen
- Women’s Trousers
- Silence is Golden Part IV
- Silence is Golden – Part III
- Silence is Golden – part II
- Silence is Golden