Drag vs Cross Dressing, Being Me!

Like most of us here at CDH I began cross dressing at a very early age, 11 or 12 years old and fell in love with the way I looked and felt when I dressed. I experimented with makeup a lot. One day I would use some foundation, concealer, powder the next day eye shadow, another day lip stick and so on. Seems like no matter where I was I would always find someones makeup and get into it sometimes even taking it.

By 13 I had makeup down pretty good. While other boys went and did what young boys usually do, it seems like I was always staying home playing dress up for reasons I did not know of at the time. Anytime my sisters and mother were gone I went into experiment mode putting on makeup and getting dressed into something of my sisters. I felt deeply obligated to do this and came to a conclusion that I loved the way I felt and looked so much more than how I looked or felt as a boy.

Was I a strange kid? Why was I so infatuated with dressing up as a girl in any my alone time. I used to sit in class at school and look around at other boys in my and wonder if I was the only boy who did what I did. I think I came to a conclusion that I had to be the only one thus separating myself even more from them and other kids. One day at the age of 16 I got up the courage after drinking some of my mothers wine to get dressed up and go outside for a short walk and I remember how every minute was so fearing yet exciting for me it was. That day was the day I knew I wanted to be seen even more and I wanted to continue evolving.

I dressed nearly everyday, trying new ways for makeup, choosing what to wear, doing my hair in different ways, practicing how I walked, how I talked and deciding what look I loved the most. Where I live the age to enter a bar was 19 but when I was around 17 (because I was defiant and never paid too much attention to rules) I got all dressed up one evening while everyone was gone. I had bought my mothers car when she bought a new one thus having my first car. I had found the only gay bar there was at the time and had tried to get up the courage to walk in. Hey at the worst all they could do was not let me in right. Just down the street was a little market and I pulled into the parking lot and parked. I was nervous as hell could have it. I’m sitting there trying to figure out a way I might be able to get in unnoticed when a car pulls up beside me.

There was a guy sitting in the passenger seat but it was the driver that caught my attention. Without a second thought I quickly recognized the driver as being a obvious drag queen. As I sat looking at them she looked back at me then and smiled with a little wave attached. It was definitely striking evidence that we as cross dressers and drag queens will always be able to recognize another. She then waved her finger for me to get out of my car and come over to her in which I did. After a brief introduction and compliments to one another I came right out and told her what I was attempting to do which was go into the bar down the street and she well get in I’ll take you there.

Without hesitation I went back to my car and locked it up and got into their car. We dropped the guy friend she had off at his house and proceeded to the bar. I was so nervous I was shaking. Her and I walked right past the man who was standing at the door to checks, he didn’t even look at us twice. I was in and within a minute felt like I belonged there. She and I became friends fast and after some conversation it was though we had known one another a life time. Over a short period of time we established a true friendship and she became like my best friend as well as a mentor. We began getting dressed together and going to the bar where I was making plenty of friends.

I won’t go into some of the under ground activity that came afterwards after I had begun to meet people in the gay scene but I will say I did get involved deeply. I was seventeen almost 18 and had come to be friends with much of the people there. In wrapping this story up it’s safe to say I had found my new home, my life was going in the direction I had wanted it to go in and I loved every minute of it. So it came to be that not too long after I established what I had behind closed doors was then a way of life. But however, today brings me somewhat confusion of who I am.

With cross dressing I can go out in public dressed and be recognized as a guy dressed as a woman or living the life as a woman. But am I a woman? No, am I transgender wanting H.R.T. and re-assignment surgery? No is my answer to that question as well. Or am I just a drag queen that loves to get dressed up and go out to the bars or clubs and be involved in the gay scene? Yes I do like that part of my journey. But is it enough to quench my hunger or thirst for being feminine? I believe the answer to that question remains all the way back to when I was young and dressing in silence behind closed doors. I will soon be 57 years old, I think it’s a little too late to rethink my life so allow me to make my very last big decision and that is to continue just being who I am, being me!

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Jackie

Jewelry Artisan, cocktail waitress, part time escort. at Emerald Club, Shuckeys Club
Hello I’m Jackie. I had a pretty long bio and decided to shorten it up. Most of you here at CDH know me, those of you who are new to CDH I say hello to you and welcome to a family you won’t know elsewhere. Been a full time 24/7 cross dresser (I hate that stereotype term) and I do drag. I love to talk so should you feel the need just hit me up, I’m here, Jackie (Wild Child).....

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Pinkie
Member

Thank You Jackie for a wonderful article I am so happy you have found your true self. Something we all must do in life.

Pippi Long
Duchess

I love your story Jackie ! i think most of us here feel the same way .I know i do ! Im 51 and still coming out little by little . PIppi has become a big part of my life , she defines me and who I am She has been part of my life cents child hood . Im not gay but i love to dress everyday in some way its still confusing sometimes but i still feel so feminine and the need for me to express these feelings are so overwhelming sometimes ! stay strong sweetie hugs, and… Read more »

Misti
Lady

Love your story. I wasn’t lucky as you but found once I got into the bar my new personality took over( also with a bit of relaxing liquids to take the edge off. I found it amazing you were able to get enough courage to go out at that age and to be able to find a friend to make you at ease in the beginning. if only we all had a mentor type situation like that. I believe it should be easier for todays kids to move forward with there transitions. Most of us toil away are dressing alone… Read more »

debbie
Guest
debbie

I really can identify with your story too Jackie and ty for sharing it with us. At 15 I was wearing my sisters clothes and mothers wigs when home alone and knew immediately this was natural to me. Along the way I frequented the gay bars too and passed off as a drag queen until I realized I needed something more and found an incredible journey since then. Hugs honey

JaneS
Guest
JaneS

It’s interesting to me that you use the description “drag queen”. Here in Australia that term usually conjures up images of over-the-top, heavily made-up theatrical performers, a la ‘Priscilla, Queen of the Desert’. Until more recent times that was what many people though crossdressers all looked like. After I’d told my wife about me being a crossdresser I tortured myself by imagining what she saw in her mind’s eye. Finally, many months after I’d come out I had a professional makeover and she asked to see the photos. Suddenly I was terrified that she’d see the ‘drag queen’ I imagined… Read more »

Savannah S
Lady

Love your story… I have not found the courage to go to bars other than haloween.
My beautiful wife totally support me in my dressing.
Encourages me to be who I am as she says. And I am both sides. Truly male in male self, but truly feel at peace and complete when dressed.
I wish I could he more bold in going out and be in public more. But always the fear of being “found out” by someone I know …

Jenny1323
Lady

Jackie great story. I can identify with a lot of it especially the make up. And going to the clubs sounds a lot like you at the bar. Jackie I love talking to u here. And you should know you are not alone. Love ❤️ ya.

Vera jane
Guest
Vera jane

Thank you for a ‘straight from the heart’ , honest account of “Jackie Wild”……
Hugs , Vera Jane

Michelle B
Guest
Michelle B

I have not been on here (CDH) for a while, but when I do, I read this story of a great gal opening herself up. I am proud to be connected with this site and to be your friend here. You go girl!

*skippy1965(Cynthia)
Ambassador
Active Member

Great story Jackie! I’m still working out exactly who Cyn is and what her path and destination will be but in the meantime I sure am enjoying the journey!
Thanks for sharing your inspiring life!
Cyn

April (Pacific Princess)
Ambassador
Member

Love to hear about someone living life her own way! Great story Jackie! I wish I had your chutzpah! I’m working my way up to it though. When I’m going through a bit of a down time like I am now, it’s wonderful to read stories such as this.

Take care hon!
April

Xeri Renee Alexia
Lady

Enjoyed your story, Jackie. Living in a similarly conservative area I am frightened at the idea of admitting to family and friends that I cross-dress, even if I do so only once or twice a week. As a first-year CD, I often find cross-dressing to be extension of who I am. But with people knowing I’ve always been single and making assumptions about my sex life, the idea that I cross-dress would further justify those said assumptions. If there is anyone else who cross-dresses in my neck of the woods, it’s news to me. A part of me would like… Read more »

Lisa norman
Guest
Lisa norman

Love your story! After reading some I feel different because we took different paths but got to the same place: being ourselves! My journey has been a little different but I am happy now! I wish I could go out in public and pass but I look more like I am in the tact squad of a police dept but all my parts from nipples to knees all feel feminine and I dress at home. Being married to a very accepting wife makes it fun and being her lover in bed I feel more like a lesbian or bi chic.… Read more »

Mona.
Guest
Mona.

Very good indeed. It is so liberating and empowering to share our lives with other like minded people. I always struggled to find someone real whom I can enjoy being the woman… My wife is wonderful who supports me but she does not discuss it or shows much interest in it. I really felt how wonderful would it be to have a friend or a mentor to share the passion with, enjoy being one, going out to clubs or shopping or just a casual walk.

Lovely to hear from you and stay blessed and beautiful.

debbie
Guest
debbie

For sure Mona. you should look for a support group or cd organization near you so as to meet others and do things together on weekends. so exciting hon and worth the effort

Josselyn
Member

I truly loved this article it is filled with courage and a strong spirit. This article is an inspiration to all of us ladies . Thank-you very much Jackie you are a very special lady and mentor. Hugs and kisses to all you lovely ladies.
Love
Joseline

Leonara
Ambassador
Member

Jackie, Thank you so much for the article. As you have read the replies, it hit home to a lot of the ladies including myself. My wife found out about Leonara when she walked in unexpectedly. We talked about it but she requested not to dress when she is around. However a few weeks ago we went shopping and she picked out my panties, cami’s, and stockings. We even had manicures together. I think my CD put a new dimension in our 45 year marriage. Thank you for giving me the opportunity to share my story. I am so grateful… Read more »

Grace
Baroness

We have talked in the past and I love reading your thoughts and experiences. As to myself I still dress when I can and have had some great times with another CD. I finally had the date of a life time which resulted in my first experience with oral sex with her. It was excileraring, exciting and all what I had hoped for. I was surprised at how good I was at it and simply want more!

Robin Twain
Guest
Robin Twain

New poster here. Appreciate Jacki’s story. At 53 , I finally accepted this beutiful part about me. Robin is a happy girl and she’s been with me since i put on my Mom’s hosery as a kid and loved it. I look forward to reading and contributing to our site, as well as meeting new friends. I’ll post a picture next week as I ordered a a few things last week and it will all be delivered next wek – wigs, a dress, shoes as well as matching PJ’s for my wife and I

Morgan Staar
Guest
Morgan Staar

I dress very conservative to stay under the radar..If some one looks they think ‘Oh cute girl’ instead of stopping and staring..Guess I’ve always feared of being seen as a Drag Queen that wants to be noticed..Its just what I was always taught..but I am learning more and more as I talk to like minded girls here

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