Overcome transgender shame and guilt to find acceptance

Greetings lovely ladies,

I’m thrilled today to be able to share Ellen’s story that covers a journey we all take – from guilt and shame to acceptance and encouragement. You’ll also discover how her loving wife helped her blossom. Before we meet Ellen, if you have a crossdressing success story you would like to share with our community, please take a moment to submit your story.

Ellen’s Mardi Gras Coming Out Party

Like other cross dressers that I have read about, I tried on girls clothes as a teenager, fantasized about being a girl, and later when married secretly would wear my wife’s clothes. These actions left me with mixed feelings – guilt and shame for doing something so repulsive, conversely the thrill of feeling like a woman. Lucky for me I found in my current wife acceptance and encouragement.

In the last 10 years or so of my work I have had to frequently go on business travel. In an attempt to keep the spark alive my wife would hide a pair of her thong panties in my luggage. This was a real thrill for me since it gave me an opportunity to spend evenings back at the motel wearing her undies without fear of getting caught. Once she asked me if I had worn them, to which I confessed, so for quite a long time she has known that I enjoy wearing ladies underclothes, but she was not aware how much really wanted to dress as a lady.


So how did I fully come out to her? Earlier this year we were invited to a Mardi Gras party. I suggested to the wife that I go in drag as is a common custom at Mardi Gras. She agreed and together we went shopping for the perfect drag outfit. We didn’t find anything (although we had great fun shopping for ladies outfits for me), so the following day I went to the local Adult Novelty store. I found a pretty pink negligee that looked great on the floor model. I bought it and hurried home to change. I text’d my wife that I had found an outfit; I was wearing it, and was drinking, so she should not be shocked when she got home.

Ellen - pretty in pink!

Ellen – pretty in pink!

Admittedly it looked hideous on me, but we had a fun night dressed in nighties, interspersed with some serious conversation about me as a cross dresser. I admitted that I liked the feel of women’s clothing; that for years I had been cross-dressing secretly; I had guilt feelings of hiding it from her; and that I wanted to be more open with her about it. She agreed so long as I didn’t go outside of our home dressed as a woman. To seal the deal when she came home from work the following day I was dressed in skirt, panty hose, and ladies shoes just to ensure her that I was serious. Since then I have bought for myself a basic wardrobe, makeup, shoes, jewelry, wigs, so on and so on. The wife has given me tips on makeup and accessories plus hand-me-downs of jewelry and makeup. A sign of her acceptance – I showed her my favorite dress and she said if it was her she would buy one in every color. She also tries on all the clothes that I buy to see if they fit her, and if so intends to ‘borrow’ them.

Although she has been great to me in this adventure I know she is somewhat weird-d out by me dressed as a lady. So I try to respect her feelings – I dress mostly when I am alone, although I no longer fear getting caught by her, and I try to let her know ahead of time that I am dressed up before she gets home so she won’t be surprised. Perhaps an advantage for us is that we are also nudist, long time members of AANR (American Association for Nude Recreation), and members of a nearby nudist park. In general nudists are very non-judgmental and body acceptance is a norm. Thru AANR we have an expanded vision of what is ‘normal’.

Unlike others I consider myself a ‘man in a dress’ not a woman. I enjoy being a man and doing manly things – like playing golf, yard work, Pickleball etcetera. So I live in two worlds and am happy to be there. I hope to someday get out of the house dressed as a lady, perhaps an LBGT friendly bar or event – with my wife’s approval of course. I feel blessed to have the wife that I do and look forward many years of cross-dressing.




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I’m passionate about creating a safe space for everyone in the transgender community to find laughter and friendship on their journey. I completed my physical transition in 2011 and through it I lost everything, and gained everything. I am blessed that I was forced to gaze inward and embark on the journey to discover and live my authentic self. My deepest wish is that all who wander here may find peace, happiness and freedom.

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8 years ago

Vanessa, this might be a little off the topic. I am a twenty-five year old crossdress, I began to dress around ten years of age. My question is, at that age, can your mother have an influence on your need to dress. I mean if you are influenced by your mother on other things, like who to play with, manners, things like that..can that be an issue?


T.J. Byron
T.J. Byron
5 years ago

Pure fear has been a part of All our experiences. Afraid to be “discovered, our “stuff " to be discovered, our being identified out dressed, afraid to be stopped by the authorities. Embarrassed was not an emotion I had, only because of was so fastidious about my preparations. My outfits & makeup were well thought out. Gilt, no. Shame, no. I think because of how early I had the urge to dress, 6 y.o. also out in public in my 20’s, in 1960’s. I had great OPPORTUNITIES as a young CD. I took advantage of all my advantages and OPPORTUNITIES.… Read more »

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