Crossdresser Heaven

I married a cross dresser

When you marry the man you love, you hope for a life of bliss – your own ‘happiness ever after’, but even the most optimistic of us will expect some challenges along this wonderful journey called marriage. You probably didn’t expect him to utter these fateful words, ‘Honey, I’m a Cross Dresser’.

A few weeks ago I wrote an article about what to do if your boyfriend is a cross dresser.

Today I’ll address some of the most common questions from wives who find out that their husband is a cross dresser. I highly recommend that you buy a copy of the book My Husband Wears My Clothes. It was written a few years ago by Peggy Rudd, a PhD and wife of a cross dresser. She provides loving insight into the how and why of cross dressing.

My husband wears my clothes

My husband wears my clothes

So what do you do when you find out for the first time? The most important thing to realize is that it is okay to feel shocked, uncertain and confused. It’s not every day that you meet a cross dresser, much less find out that your husband is one!

The next thing to realize, is that he is telling you this because he loves and trusts you deeply. He is probably just as scared as you are right now. You both need to be careful not to say anything that would hurt the other person.You’re both in a sensitive position. While you should respect that he it is difficult for him to share with you, you should also expect him to go as fast or as slow as you can handle.

The first thing to do is reassure him that you love him. This will be tough to do. You’re shocked and not in full control of your emotions, but even though you just discovered your husband is a cross dresser you need to show love.

So now you may be wondering:
He’s a cross dresser, is he gay? Probably not, most cross dressers are heterosexual

Why didn’t he tell me about his crossdressing sooner? This one is tricky, ideally he would have shared with you before you were married. Most likely he thought he could control it, he thought that being married would quell the urge to cross dress. That hardly ever (never) happens, and he probably put it off for so long because he was afraid of how you would react. Ironically, he has hid this secret from you for so long because he loves you so much!

Why does he cross dress? Phew, an even tougher but great question. I explored this in some detail in my article ‘why do men cross dress‘. The short answer is that no one knows for sure and many men have different reasons for why they cross dress, but most describe it as a need, an urge that won’t go away.

How can I make him stop cross dressing? You’re asking all the right questions love, but you probably won’t like the answer to this one. You can’t stop him from cross dressing. Sure, you’ll fight and he’ll promise not to cross dress, but a few months later you’ll find a pair of size 12 pink pumps in the wardrobe…

Does he want a sex change? Probably not. There are fewer transsexuals than cross dressers, so it is less likely that your husband has a desire to change his sex. Most cross dressers are happily married and only enjoy dressing part time.

So now what do I do? As I mentioned above, reassure him that you love him. Spend a lot of time in deep, open conversation with him about his desire to cross dress. Learn as much as you can about it (I know I sound like a used car salesman, but trust me buy this book!). Learn to compromise – let this grow you closer together rather than split you apart. Work with your husband to set limits that you are comfortable with as well. If you don’t want him to dress when your friends are around; let him know.

Tri-Ess has some great information and a Crossdressers wives bill of rights which makes for a great starting point as you and your husband come to a fair compromise about his cross dressing. There are many other good resources on the Internet. Also, take some time to explore Cross Dresser Heaven, I’ve gathered a number of resources that may be valuable for you.

Good luck, and please contact me if you need any support or advice!



P.S. Thanks to my lovely wife for reviewing this article before I posted it. As much as we listen, we need to be open to the precious woman in our lives – they are often trying to tell us more.

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About the Author

Vanessa Law is a women enjoying the freedom to be who she is every moment of her life! She blogs about the transgender journey at Please comment below and tell me what you think!

199 Enlightened Replies

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  1. Marti says:

    I will admit there is a great deal of usful information here. My question is – what is a good compromise? For many CD’s I know (myself included) what we want in some cases is to continue to dress in secret. If someone found out we would be so mortified that the thought would drive us insane. I am not a huge fan of Tri-Ess but I agree that if it is going to come down to the wife knowing – talk to a professional and more importantly to each other. You will learn a lot more about each other than you thought you might ever want to know.

    • Vanessa Law says:

      Marti: Do you mean a good compromise with your significant other? Or keeping it secret from others?
      Personally, I don’t think there is one “right” answer, and the degree to which you crossdress in front of your spouse and in public (or crossdresser clubs like Tri-Ess) is entirely dependent on what you are your wife feel comfortable with. Does anyone else have thoughts on this?

  2. skye says:

    Im scared that my boyfriend only wants me for the sex. He is a CDer and is vary turned on by it. I dont care about that, im just concerned that he just wants me because i accept him and want to have sex with him, not because of who I am. I dont know if that makes sense to anyone. Please, someone tell me im crazy.

    • Vanessa Law says:

      Hey Skye,
      I don’t know the personal situation between you and your boyfriend, but throughout history men and woman have wanted people for less noble reasons than their true inner being. Whether it’s power, money, sex or family pressure. Wanting someone because they accept who you are may be no different, and perhaps less destructive.

      However it is important that you feel nurtured and loved in the relationship. If the entire relationship revolves around your acceptance of his crossdressing this is not any healthier than a relationship revolving around a large trust fund. If I were to guess based on my personal experience, I would say that he is most likely just overindulging in acceptance that has been so long in coming. At finally feeling validated for who he/she is, one seeks to attain more of that validation and support of one’s self worth. He may not be aware as to how you’re feeling and sharing those feelings in a sincere and loving way with him may be all that is necessary for him to change.

      Best of luck love!

  3. Maria Mazzeli says:

    Dear Vanessa
    I am marry to a Crossdresser and this is very difficult for me to accept. He never told me he was a CD. Before we were married i found him one night dressed up and i was very confused and furious. I thought with time this would change.

    I love him very much, but his CD takes over and he never knows when to stop. I am very tired that every night when i come home i find him on CD, i have told him many times that i wished that he would respect the fact that i am home and he would do this when he is on his own.

    I am very confused because i feel humiliated but he doesn’t seem to understand. His CD takes over and he makes it be more important than anything else.

    I do not what to do. I know that every night he kills what is left of me and i am tired that i always get angry.

    I need to know if i will ever learn to accept his CD.

    • Vanessa Law says:


      Thank you for your note. I know that this is a scary and confusing time, and you have a right to feel angry at him for not telling you before you’re married.
      It sounds like you’re laying some of the blame, emotionally, on yourself for not accepting him. It also sounds like you’re more frustrated that he won’t listen to your concerns about CDing than with him actually being crossdressed when you get home. Him being crossdressed when you get home can be bad enough, but you may feel you’ve already told him not to, so he’s crossdressing and disrespecting you.

      The best advice I can give is to communicate and search for balance. I’ve struggled to do this myself in my marriage – I would crossdress 3-4 times a week if I could, and my wife would have me never crossdress. Somewhere in between there it’s worth establishing boundaries that allow us both to feel validated and respected. As in any other area of marriage, whether it’s finances or who gets to choose the TV show to watch, reaching a compromise that works for both of you can make things go a lot smoother.

      Love, please let me know if there is anything else I can do to help you two. Best of luck!

    • cuckholddon says:

      Respect for YOU?
      Tou “Could” incorporate this into your life-You say you are tired when you come home-How about-Making him you maid-Cook dinner for you-Rub your feet ect ect ect when you come home if he wants to be dressed fem?

  4. Zeljka says:

    Well, I am in a difficult position, my Wife doesn’t know yet and on the other side I’m afraid to tell Her because it seems to me that She wouldn’t like the news. Of course, when I’m home alone I use Her’s nylons and garters (which I bought for Her ‘cos I told Her I like it madly – but I never told Her I like to wear it also :) her shoes (with a little of pain because these are smaller) and I dream about She and I going out at the evening and me wearing her pantyhose under my trousers and only She and I would know it. This situation, I mean, only a thought about it turns me on. But I’m afraid it will never happen becuse I don’t know how to tell Her.

    • Vanessa Law says:

      Hi Gaia,
      First, thank you for being so accepting and loving of your husband. It’s wonderful that you find it fantastic! Before I get into your question I think this is a great time to do some research – Peggy Rudd’s book above as well as the book “My Husband Betty” – are both good resources.

      To being part of the thrill, can you give me some more context? For me personally I enjoy looking as good as I can, and attention I appreciate would be the same as any woman who had dressed nicely and was complimented on it. I can only speak for myself, but attention from other women on how I’m dressed or presented is far more of a thrill than attention from men. And I think this is true for most crossdressers I know.

      This may be a great place to continue the open and honest communication with your husband, share your concerns (and you support) with him. He also has a responsibility to be forthcoming now that he has told you.

      Best wishes hon, please write again if you need more support, advice or just someone to listen.


      • Vanessa Law says:

        Thanks for sharing Elaine, your story is one of hope for many crossdressers. It’s wonderful that you have such a positive and supportive relationship with your spouse, and that you’ve been able to integrate your crossdressing into your marriage in a way that both of you can enjoy.

    • becca says:

      Hi, You should tell her soon. I told my wife before we were married. I didn’t want to hide it from her. My wife is very open minded. After the shock, she did some research on her own, and we talked about it alot. It’s great now! I’m into lingerie. She asks me if I want to get pretty, about once a week. I love to wear a bra !!! She know that. She tells me how pretty I look when I’m wearing my bra. We go bra shopping alot. It is alot of fun wearing pretty bras and panties out when only you and your wife know. Good luck!!

      • Vanessa Law says:

        I agree with Becca, that honesty is important in marriage. While timing of the decision is very personal, the longer you wait the more betrayed she will feel. And as Becca says, there could be some unexpected benefits :)

      • elle says:

        When I started dating my now boyfriend I never once thought, “What would I do if he was a crossdresser?”. As our relationship started to grow I would go to his house and would start finding ladies panties around. I would feel the hair on the back of my neck stand up. I kept my mouth closed for several weeks then I could not stand it any more. I confronted him about it. He came clean about it and told me that he enjoyed dressing in women’s clothing. Acourse after I picked my jaw up off the floor I was able to talk to him about it. I asked him why he just did not tell me about what he enjoyed…his response was, “You was just not ready to hear it yet.” But now, as it turns out I’m actually turned on with it and we to go shopping for his “cute” stuff and we have fun with it…Doing Ladies Day Out!!!!!

    • dado says:

      ja sam najsretniji covijek na svijetu.kad sam rekao zeni nakon19 godina braka da sam crossdresser toliko se napalila da mi sad ona kupuje odjecu i donje rublje i cipele.nemate pojma koliko sam sretan.

  5. stfu says:

    I crossdress, it turns me on, but i hate myself for it

    • Gaia says:

      Hi Vanessa~
      My question is this, in a nutshell, he told me lastnight…I find it fantastic and have no issues with it….but, he said something that really boggles my mind and I can’t find any answers..I asked him if he would like me to shop for him for some welcome home gifts and he said yes…tops and bottoms..*trying to be discreet here*, he also said that was part of “the thrill, the attention”..what does that mean? Attention from who? Men, women, other CD’s, people in general? I am struggling with ths, because I don’t want a bombshell later if you know what I mean..can you help me?
      Thank you..

    • Elaine says:

      Hi Vanessa
      Thought i would tell you our story. I told my wife(M) when i first met her, before we had even thought of getting married or even engaged.
      It was a slow process at first as i introduced her to Elaine and my ‘extended’ wardrobe, which i believe ultimately helped her deal with any concerns.
      As time went on i became more confident with who i was and i can only put this down to M! as she gradually changed my wardrobe and made me look younger and more stylish in the process.
      We have great fun when we go shopping for both of us whether i am Elaine or not and we love going to events when we are able.
      We have a great marriage(now in our 12th year) and 2 wonderful girls to boot. I love my wife and am truly blessed to have her in not only my life but my heart, thoughts and actions every single day.

      • Tammy says:

        My husband is a wonderful man and he told me early in our relationship about his love of wearing womens attire. I love him emmensly, we just got married and want to start a family. How do any of you recommend discussing the crossdressing to our children? I don’t want to keep it from them but I don’t want them to feel different from their classmates once they are in school.

        • maggied says:


          What a wonderful and important question. We all worry about hour our actions and lifestyles will affect our children. I was worried about the exact same thing at one time in my life and will share with you the advice I received from my psychologist.

          First your children will sense the emotions you and your husband feel about his dressing, so the two of you need to be completely honest with each other about how those feelings and how it effects you both of your lives emotionally. Your level of acceptance will be projected out onto your children, if you treat it as natural so will they.

          The important part throughout the process it to preach diversity from an early age. Unfortunately from preschool on they will be forced to interact with peers who will project the beliefs and mores of their parents. They will be subjected to all sorts of unfortunate biases including many racial, sexual, and religious biases. You have to remember these innocent children learned these biases from their parents. Many of these biases were deeply ingrained into their sub-consciousness minds before they were even three and without a major catalyst will be there for life.

          You cant control the way other people raise their children but you can yours. It is my belief that by introducing diversity into their lives from the onset including gender your children will be more loving and accepting of others and will live much happier lives.

          But please don’t take my opinion as fact, please, please, please, contact a professional who specializes in children and seek out their advice. I would never want to pass myself off as a professional.

        • willowreed says:

          I am afraid I will lose my man. I knew he cross dressed for a long time, but now its getting so where he listens to someone that is a shemale and thinks its ok to like…do his brows and stuff ( I LIKE his freaking eyebrows the way they are). Maybe I am a baby about it but I really don't like that part of it. Its enough that I accept that he cross dresses, but now its getting worse, to the point where he removed his body hair (which was perfect the way it was if you ask me). :( I don't want to break up with him because I love him, but its getting worse and worse every day :(
          I just do not know what to do anymore. I don't want him to stop something that he cannot control because that would be horrible, but I really miss how he used to look before all this crap happened. I don't care if you guys/girls (whatever you refer to yourselves as) hate me, but I want him to at least just leave his face alone. I miss the goatee (he looked amazing with it). :(
          am miserable, confused, and just feel like I want to jump off a bridge or something.

          • Vanessa Law says:

            Hi hon,

            Sorry to hear that he's taking it further than you'd like. Have you had an opportunity to talk openly with him about this?

            It's not unheard of for part time crossdressers to want to take it further, but he owes it to you to be open about his intents.


          • Big Ol' Sissy says:

            In fairness, women don't want to have to get permission to change their hair color…to get multiple piercings…or even to get a tattoo. It's their bodies, after all. How would you feel if your man demanded you shave a certain way, or at a specific time? It's controlling behavior, no matter WHO is demanding it.

            Life is too short to be hung up on a goatee! It's body hair, for Pete's sake! Maybe you're too young to appreciate the bigger picture, but missing out on a loving relationship for want of stubble is a mistake you'd someday see…after it's too late.

        • Peter says:

          as a closet wearer of womens underwear and stockings etc…. I have a beard , and let me say that I would never shave it off.
          This stops me from wearing more clothes, but I want to remain fully male.
          I would think that if i removed the beard to look more feminine then I would be on the road to considering the shemale route.
          I have found my comfort zone and like many others,do not step out of it.
          ask him outright where his comfort zone extends and set reasonable boundries acceptable to both.
          and should he step outside of the zone, burn his clothes and see a lawyer.

          • Vanessa Law says:

            Oh hon,

            This is a terribly difficult for you. This is something that he is likely getting fulfillment from, and it sounds like you’ve read enough to know that this is not a choice but an innate part of who he is. Have you had a chance to have a heart to heart with him, and let him know how you feel while listening to where he’s coming from?
            I’m sure that he doesn’t mean to hurt you, but at the same time this is not what you want, and impacts your happiness. All I can offer are my blessings, I pray that you’re able to come to a positive place where both of you feel loved and appreciated.

          • Antome says:

            Hey some boys pull off an androginous look with long hair and sometimes facial hair too, think about Ville Valo, Brian Molko, Jared Leto, etc.
            Short beard could go well with flamboyant, it maybe not outhright “feminine” outfits, or with some cleavage or gothic outfits. And also go creative with eyeshadow and nail polish too, if you want. If you groom yourself enough, a short beard will not pos an obstacle to the look. It’s even more assertive of our likeness to dress outside common code even as males.

        • janedon says:

          Very simple(how children prefer)—Playing dressup–
          Our kids/grandkids–friends kids& their parents seem to accept that explanation quite well-

    • cuckholddon says:

      Why do some folks consider this Shameful or harmful?
      It’s not like it hurts anyone or is harmful-just differant!

    • cuckholddon says:

      stfu–Ask yourself–Why do you hate yourself for it?
      Are you harming anyone/anything?

  6. Can Eser says:

    i from turkey.

  7. Vanessa Law says:

    Hehe :) Yes. There’s always that small hope we have out grown cross dressing.
    I can relate to what you’re saying – I think the thrill of going out with someone we’ll grow to love makes us forget about cross dressing. Mis leading us into thinking that we’re “cured”.

    You said it right – if you keep talking and compromise. I think because we’re forced to do that with cross dressing, it may actually build a stronger marriage.

    Thanks for you comments Lynn, I enjoy reading them!


  8. Lynn Jones says:

    > Crossdressing often times slows down
    > as one grows into their twenties

    I wish someone had told me that when I was 22 :-) Joking aside, I think (and to use a cliche) in my heart of hearts, I knew that I’d be back. So, thanks for sharing.

    I met my future wife when we were both in our 20s. At that time I was – for want of a better word – ‘clean’ or ‘straight’. I really thought I could stay on the wagon but much later on…. ‘course we all know how that little tale ended. :)

    It’s a little over 10 years since I told her and H does her best to cope. I know she sometimes wishes I wasn’t like this (so do I some days) but it’s not the end of a marriage if you keep talking and comprimise is necessary. As someone once said, TG folk have had 10 – 20 years to get their heads around it, but wives and girlfriends? Only a fraction of that time.

  9. Dipankar says:

    I’m from India. I’m very young. 18 years and I find crossdressing very exciting and erotic.

  10. Vanessa Law says:

    Hi Dipankar,
    Thanks for stopping by – it’s great to have you on Crossdresser Heaven. What’s it like in India? Is crossdressing taboo, or more accepted? I’ve read a few articles about the transgendered in India, but haven’t spoken with many crossdressers from India.

  11. me says:

    wow – most of you here are so accepting. 10 years into this for me and OH and I think he has thrown out the stuff he bought 3 times…just buys more I guess. I think he now hides it in a house he lives in away from home in the week.

    I hate it…hate it I thought it was funny 10 years ago before I had kids that he told me he liked to wear my pants to get akick out of…then it was eyeshadow, then it was wigs , shoes, stockings etc etc

    When I was pregnant I said no more it makes me sick and here we are 6 years later and lie after lie I am finding its still going on.

    I think it is a self indulgent sexual fetish and I think he should respect me and our children before putting his sexual needs first. Whats wrong with that?

  12. Vanessa Law says:

    Hi me,

    I can understand your frustrations, and how it seems like he puts his needs ahead of those of your family. If I were to guess, his crossdressing is tearing him apart too. Many crossdressers feel guilt and shame, and then throw out what they’ve bought. This is often called a ‘purge’, with the desire to cleanse themselves of this impurity.

    Unfortunately, almost everyone I’ve spoken to has the need to crossdress return within a short while. Many who continue to deny it live with depression, or may even commit suicide. Society tends to view crossdressing as you do, as a ‘self indulgent sexual fetish’. For many men, it is not just a sexual fetish, but a deep need to express the feminine side of themselves.

    I know this is not easy for you, and makes your relationship more challenging. The best advice I can give is to communicate often. Share your feelings with him in a loving and caring way. Ask him to do the same. Open, honest heart to heart sharing is the only way I know of that couples can come through stronger.

    Best of luck dear!

  13. fed up says:

    I think it is a self indulgent sexual fetish and I think he should respect me and our children before putting his sexual needs first. Whats wrong with that?
    how right you are, they can dress it up and make it sound like they are in touch with their femme side, but it get more hurtful as we have children, mu husband has no regards for me or the children when he is in his selfish mode, why should i accept this in our lives, all this respect and loving and understanding is bull. they married us and expect us to understand this, when in reality they want everything their way, and then it turns out to be somehow our fault because we dont understand, sorry for sounding bitter, but after years of marriage and compromise its just too much to take. xx i wish you luck, and tbh they never stop they just become good liars

  14. Lori says:

    I agree with you! I did that with my family and now I regret it. I am so sorry I wasn’t the best parent. I should have never told them about me.

  15. cuckholddon says:

    ME–Why is something so harmless so bothersome to you?
    Kids are very accepting of people who are “Differant” unless taught not to be(usally by excample(Watching) adults around them!
    Reading the Hatred you have-I’m thinking you have other issues with your hubby& are just using his Crossdressing as an excuse!

  16. Queline says:

    I sort of think my fiance might be into cross dressing. He has always dressed very well, and sometimes seems to enjoys dressing me more than himself. I just figured it was just him being him.

    The he dressed up as a girl on a bet, and he seemed to enjoy very well. Unfortunately, I think my opinion might be biased, b/c when he was dressed up, it turned me on to no end! I was so embarrassed that I didn’t know whether or not to let him know my thoughts

    But he has been hinting lately that he wouldn’t mind doing it again, and he always lets me do fun things to his hair and such so maybe if I asked extra nice he’d do it again.

  17. melissa says:

    is it possible that you guys aren’t attracted to being a women, perhaps you just want to be beautiful. You want your hair to be long cause you like long hair. You like makeup because it improves your face. You like silk and panty hoses and soft fabics ,because they are seductive and draw you in. C.S. Lewis said we don’t want to simply see beauty but go throught it. Perhaps you want to be as desired as you desire. You want her to feel about you the way you feel about . Male birds are more glorious than their female counter parts. wear vibrant colors and soft rich fabrics and wear gold too! but love being a man because its a gift to be one. and don’t worry about playing dress up, get your own clothes. men are awesome. Don’t worry about being strong because God made you a man to show you and the world how strong you really are. Remember God is God and he choses his bride and he is the lion,he is the king over his pride. We just want attention because we all have beautiful rainbows in our minds. The rainbow is God gift to everone, not just gays. The cross is for anyone who believes and only Jesus the son of God can forgive our sins.

  18. cuckholddon says:

    It seems that all some folks worry about is what others might say or think!

  19. Vanessa Law says:

    Ooh… you’re lucky Queline! I think your husband might have a secret that would be most enjoyable for both of you to explore together! Have fun!

  20. D says:

    If it turned you on then tell him it turned you on. If he doesn’t really like doing it you will find out. If he does like doing it you will find out. If he does like it and it turns you on . . . do I really need to go any further?

    Have as much fun as you can. Let him have as much fun as he can.

  21. Pedi says:

    so why don’t you tell him your thoughts? have fun with him if it turns you both on. there R many CDs that wish to have someone like you, a fem that turns on by thier derss ( like me), you r lucky honey

  22. maggied says:

    My wife Rene and I would like to thank you for your your insightful email reply to her post last week. I must say we both agreed with much of what you had to say.

    It may be psychological but I seem to have always had an inherent though conflictive desire to feel soft and pretty. Being raised in a strict religious mid western community in the 50’s I was brought up with clear cut set of rules as to masculine and feminine rolls, and if you crossed over you could face severe ridicule. As a man I was taught that I was supposed to be the strong silent provider. My wife was supposed to be the nurturer house keeper.

    Yet try as I may I could never fill the shoes that had been set out for me. I don’t know if it fed my desire to dress but I never felt that I was a success as a man. It seemed that my whole life centered around being what other men expected me to be and I never felt I could measure up to their standards.

    Dressing for me was an fantasy outlet where I could be me without having to measure up. When I dressed I would take on an entirely different persona where my spirits would soar and my depression would lift. I would no longer feel like a failure or out of role if I used a vacuum or did a load of laundry. I could be happy dusting and cooking for hours. Possibly, deep inside I felt that because I couldn’t live up to others expectations of me as a man then I somehow wasn’t really a man and a being a woman was my only other option, even if it were only fantasy.

    So when I met my wife and she embraced my cross dressing and me as a man at the same time it was as if the clouds had been lifted and the heavens open. And as I was encouraged by her to openly dress at home my life outside the home began to prosper. I became far more docile as well as successful in my work and increasing more involved in my community. My circle of friends widened and my disposition become much brighter.

    I agree with you that Christ never gives up on us and walks with us where ever we go and I thank him everyday for putting such a wonderful woman in my life. I could not began to express in writing just how much I love her. Though she encourages my dressing she in essence makes me want to be a better man.

  23. Dseacoast says:

    Good for you K. It would be so fun to go out in public with your wife while wearing her lingerie and clothing. It would be sexy and erotic to share those moments with your wife. I wear a lot of my wifes panties, stockings with garter, camisol and occaissional teddy. I am lucky that my wife and I are very close in size so I don’t stretch out her lingerie. I am pretty well endowed and my wife loves to see my package wrapped in her silky panties or falling out of one of her teddies. Some day maybe when traveling I would love to crossdress totally as a woman and lift my skirt to flash my wife! It is too bad that so many woman are hung up on crossdressing. Love your man and he will love you. Give it a chance, you might like it.

  24. Cherylteaks says:

    Fed up and Me, I guess you think you have the bases covered. Self indulgent? Maybe for some but I guarantee very few. I guess maybe the dressing is about you. We live tortured lives with a terrible secret. Knowing that the rules of society will crush everything we build if it were to get out. Yet it hurts no one. The problem is that society says a person must be like everyone else and not allowed to be an individual. If being myself is selfish and self indulgent then I am guilty.
    I have 2 children that know about me and they are both intelligent well adjusted young adults. They have known about me since they were nine and eleven. I am not a sexual deviant! I am also a well adjusted adult who lives a very masculine life and have the respect of many men of whom I lead on a daily basis. It really sounds like you need to look within yourselves and figure out what the problem really is. You would say it is him…..I think we all know different. He is probably a very good husband and father. Quit listening to all the hype about transvestites (that are actually a very, very small part of our community) and give the gut a break. He tells you he quit because that’s all you want to hear but the reality is he can’t. He can’t! He can’t…. I am also sorry for being so forceful but I really do believe you need it. Open your mind or leave but don’t make his life a living hell because he desires to be himself. It sounds to me like it is your way or the highway.
    Now if you would really like to talk I am open for discussing issues with you but you must bring an open mind to the table.

    Cheryl Ann

  25. Jane don says:

    Fed up– Hmmm-wife& I have raised 5 children& now we have 5 grandchildren–& neither the kids or grandkids have a problem with my crossdressing –I wonder why it’s Sooo different in Your situation????
    Something to think about????

  26. Lori says:

    You know what? I had a wife similar to yours. The only difference is that I am a transsexual and she accepted me. We still stayed together. We loved each other sooo much! There wasn’t a day that went by that I didn’t tell each other that we loved each other and we were IN love with each other. I coldn’t have asked for a better wife. We were married for 26 years and raised a set of twins together. This past Novermeber in 2012 she passed away. She got very ill. It shouldn’t have happened to her and I blame a couple of healthcare places for what happened to her. I miss her so much and I can’t talk about her very long because I cry and shake sooo badly. She was my life! She was my everything! She was the reason I got up everyday! Now I am home alone very lonely and very depressed. The internet helps me as it keeps my mind occupied. But still it is exremely hard for me.

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