Before you tell me that you have no idea why you and I cross dress, please allow me to present some ideas I have developed over many decades while struggling with this topic.
What do I know? I know that cross dressing is ever-present and is experienced throughout the world. From the study of thousands of nearly identical life stories, I gleaned that this usually starts fairly early in life. I started at age 3 and from what I’ve read to date, cross dressing usually starts the very first time between the ages of 5 to 12. During these early periods of cross dressing, it is typically associated with some form of sexual arousal. Due to society’s general unacceptance of our thrill of cross dressing, we usually learn to feel ashamed or embarrassed and frequently don’t tell others we know who aren’t similar to us. For example, a fairly large portion of us didn’t tell our proposed spouses in advance (and kudos for those who did).
Psychoanalytic psychotherapy was entered by me and continued for 13 years at much financial and emotional expense and I endured the uninformed hypotheses of my analyst and the abusive use of the term “perversion” throughout my alleged “treatment.” All this is mentioned because all of it hasn’t stopped me from thinking of “WHY” I was so committed to this lifestyle. Attempting to feel less isolated, I also joined a number of groups such as CDI (Crossdressers International) in NYC and the Vanity Club dedicated to serving anyone who exhibited trans behavior and felt transgender in some fashion (pun intended).
During the course of my life, I also learned what is involved in the declared “conversion” of gay people (By the way, I don’t think it works and I strongly doubt it would help CD’s either). So, we are left with “WHY” are we crossdressers”
If you’ve ever studied homosexuality, you know that homosexuals don’t have a choice. They primarily know that they are attracted only or mostly to people of the same sex. Nothing succeeds in changing that irrevocably over the course of a lifetime – with very rare exceptions. Therefore, my strong belief is that something biological – either genetically born into someone and/or chemical – e.g. an individual choosing to expose to their self to female hormones, etc.) has happened to both homosexuals and transgender people. We may not have any choice usually with the exception of the individual choice I just noted above.
There is no possibility to overstate the importance of the effect others have on you. All one has to experience is just one transgender conference and the enormity of the effect will NEVER leave you the same. The power of being surrounded by others who are so similar is astonishing. For example, my experience at my first event was completely overpowering. I even met someone who lived near me and who ate in the same restaurants and was very committed as a transgender person. I was completely overwhelmed. We talked endlessly and my identity began to shift. Being exposed to a like individual opened up avenues and deepened my sense of femininity. All of a sudden, I was in a quandary. Am I seriously interested in transitioning or not? Given all that support and love, I considered becoming the woman inside me that I was acutely sensing. I entered therapy with a gender-knowledgeable therapist for a number of sessions and received her approval for undergoing transition. I oscillated between crossdressing (which seemed vulgar at the time) and giving in to the woman I sensed I was. Only when I differentiated how much my children meant to me and that I was their father and that I was imposing my desire onto them did my resolve falter. I also had to consider the serious possibility of needing to get a divorce from my mostly unaccepting wife, I came to the realization I needed to accept the limitations imposed by being a crossdresser. Incidentally, my dear friend wound up transitioning and divorcing his wife. In our last communication (unfortunately- because she felt we were no longer on the same wavelength), she indicated that she was doing well. I miss her desperately.
If this makes you feel less guilty and ashamed and makes you want to accept your predilections and preferences, so much the better. This website is designed especially for us. Live life to its fullest and learn to actually enjoy who you really are without having any feelings whatsoever of any guilt or shame!
- How old were you when you first tried on feminine clothing and was there a sexual arousal and/or relief assocaited with that very first time of cross dressing?
- Have you experienced feelings of shame or guilt associated with your thrill of cross dressing and have those feelings prevented you from coming out of the closet and revealing your desires to cross dress over the years?
- Have feelings of guilt and/or shame led you to purge all of your feminine clothing on one occasion or more and giving up your thrill of cross dressing for a period of time or giving up cross dressing in its entirety?
Girls, please feel free to take a few moments to respond to the writings in my article or to respond to one or more of the questions I’ve posed to you above.
With much love
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